Wednesday, June 20, 2012

It's MY Life, MY Decision, MY Journey

I am very disheartened by the act of some members from the previous group I was with. Someone had found this blog and decided to print my last entry and present it to my former instructor, who in turn presented a portion of it to the rest of the group in order to make me seem like the bad guy for leaving. First of all, this is very unprofessional and childish on both my former instructor’s part and the student who found this blog. Yes this is public, but this is my journey and recordings of what I am going through. A lot of what is posted here are topics that were brought up by other members who have felt the same or have confirmed things going on in a verbal environment instead of writing it like I am. None of what I have posted here is new to anyone because they had shared the same issues at some point. Some of the issues that had been discussed had been brought to the instructor’s attention and nothing had been done and we had to learn to deal with what was happening. I can’t help feeling the way I do on things, but it was not my intention to stop being friends with those who I learned from and danced with. So what has happened is that instead of approaching me and discussing what I had wrote to better understand where I was coming from, I was banned from ever returning to my former group if I decided I wanted to come back.

There is a reason why there are so many underlying problems in this group and the main issue is that these problems are not properly being addressed. So since people have decided to take the childish route in handling this in an adult manner, I will be completely honest here. No, I will not be dropping names, but I’m going to share what is going on so that people may learn that this is not how a group should function or act so that people who may come across this understands that these problems should not exist. When you have a group that has underlying problems, you need to address them directly and not sit there and hope they go away. These problems, if left unattended, will corrode the group. That is exactly what has happened in my former group. I was approached by two members to help out with an event because no one else who had been asked in the group wanted to do it. The three of us came up with the idea, JenCee, to continue doing performances that other members were not interested in doing as Ananka. We had opened up to the other members to invite them to join us. No one took the opportunity and soon after we closed the invitation foul rumors started up. I don’t know the reason why, nor do I understand why this was done. We had one person decide the next year that they wanted in and we allowed them to join, but they didn’t speak up on any ideas they had, nor did they contribute. They had expected us to have every thing already lined up to be practiced on which is not always the case. Each year JenCee tries to work on something new and therefore we start from scratch with throwing ideas around concerning choreography, music, and a possible story to be portrayed. So the person left and decided to tell people incorrect information as to what was happening and how they were treated. This has since caused problems with misunderstandings from the instructor and other students as to what we were doing despite the fact that we were being upfront and honest about our actions with the instructor and anyone who asked what was going on. Nothing was withheld when we were asked about our activities and the handling of situations.

There were also people who were complaining that some students were throwing them off because they may have been having a hard time with choreography. Instead of addressing the issue head on and even trying to work with that person, there was talk going on behind others backs about who upset so-n-so because such-n-such keeps happening. I stepped in and told them they needed to talk to the person or bring it up to the instructor so that the instructor may work with them. I was getting to the point of telling the person myself who was having problems so they were aware of the issue, but I said nothing to the person it involved because it did not affect me and it was not my responsibility to say anything as it was not my issue, but someone else's. This was not done and this issue continued until feelings got hurt. The only people to blame for this outcome are those who were complaining who did not take the time to step up as an adult and take care of the issue. Allowing it to fester causes problems and ignoring it will not make it go away.

You need to communicate if you have an issue. End of story. This game of talking behind one’s back and not being honest with each other is what kills a group. You can’t work with someone if you are not addressing issues and finding solutions to make it better. For me, it kept surrounding around my involvement at opportunities to do something extra that people kept turning down when they had the invitation to join or take the next step forward in the larger group. People refused to come talk to me personally and made the decision to talk to others with their complaints and misunderstandings who were not fully informed of what may have been going on. I withdrew from people because I was tired of what I was hearing. The less I shared or told people, I felt the better I was going to be with keeping the drama out of my life. Issues still happened, but without my involvement. I made the decision to pull back because people were not willing to fix whatever problems they had and they let it bleed into the group.

I made the decision recently to start taking classes at the California Arts Academy because I felt that my time with my previous group was over because I couldn’t handle the negativity anymore, but I was not fully ending that relationship with people in case this new path was not where I was suppose to be. I had brought up some comparisons in my last entry that I noticed were not acceptable to me for how classes were run, but that was my personal opinion like those that had been shared by other members in the group outside of class. Now I have an issue where someone made the decision to print out my blog entry and share it with the instructor instead of coming to me directly to get clarification or more information regarding why I had wrote what I did, which caused me to be banned from returning because not all the information was presented. Mostly this was due to the fact that I don’t need to share every detail on this blog and there were key points I was trying to point out that were more important than back story.

My main reason for leaving had nothing to do with the instructor, despite some of the measures I disagreed with I had continued learning from her for 3 years without much complaint. My true reason for leaving was based on the behavior of specific students. The failure in being honest with each other and undermining everyone, including the instructor, was unacceptable. Not all the students did this, but those that did were making an experience that was suppose to be positive become very negative. I did not like the negativity I was feeling especially while I am having a hard time in my life outside of dance with the death of someone very dear to me and fulfilling discussions I had with them to make me a better person and have a better outlook on things. I may have been too honest in my last post about what I didn’t like going on, but when you fail to take responsibility for your actions you let the group you are involved with fail. I do not wish any ill will on my former instructor nor the students who are causing problems, but I do hope that the one who is the cause of this upheaval gets a very hard lesson in understanding that there are just some things you don’t butt into because it is not your life, not your issue, not your decision and not your place to take matters into your own hands that do not concern you, especially when you may be the person who is being the hypocrite. I try to be honest with people and I admit to slip ups. But I take responsibility for my mistakes and grow from them. So in this latest blow of losing my first place where I had my love for bellydance be nurtured, I now will focus on the next step of who I am to become and to further my love for bellydancing without the negativity that had been festering.

To the person who now watches this and wishes to continue sharing what I post here for their own purposes of destruction, please do. It shows that you are the weakest link in the group and you refuse to see that your toxic ways are what hinder you from becoming a beautiful dancer with a great outlook on life. You may have forced a door closed on me, but I share my experiences publicly for those who are interested to see me grow or to somehow make a connection with me in terms of similar experiences or just wanting to catch little tidbits here and there that may interest someone in a way that they can use my ideas/knowledge for their own use to impact their life in a positive way. I am sorry that some people have taken one entry and didn’t take into account that these things have been shared by others for a long time or the suggestions given to people were ignored. I am sorry that people made the decision to believe whatever they were being told without getting to the bottom of things first in order to educate themselves before giving an incomplete story. But I am not sorry for speaking my mind and being true to myself. I am not here to please others or bend to their will through any manipulating they have planned. If I feel something is wrong then I do something about it. Maybe the people who are causing problems should try to do the same and be concerned about themselves only instead of making a wonderful experience for others be turned into something horrible and toxic. Stick to your own business and don't worry about others.

If you want to be a better dancer, than be a better dancer. That means encouragement and mentoring others. If you feel you would do better in another class, then try it. If there are workshops that you want to try because you feel that it will give you a better understanding of movement or music, then try it. If you have a better way about achieving a move that would benefit someone else too, share it. Leave the drama outside. There is no room for it in bellydancing. If you are jealous of someone, find out why you are jealous and insecure, don’t place the blame where it doesn’t belong because odds are it’s something you are unhappy with concerning you and only you. Become the beautiful person inside yourself instead of letting others dictate to you who you should be, how you should look and tell you that you are doing something wrong without giving legitimate reasons as to why. You should never be limited to one way of learning when there are people out there who are offering a chance for you to excel further without guilt. You should be going out of your way to be better and not expect it to be handed to you on a silver platter. I’m changing my world for the better. Yes, this whole situation has marred something that should have been kept positive and killed the relationships I was trying to keep with some people, but I can only look forward to what is now awaiting me.

So stick around. This is only one little smudge that doesn’t affect the bigger picture. I will keep growing while those who seek to destroy others will only falter and be left behind in a very small lonely world that they are creating for themselves.

“Don’t make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.”
~Don Miguel Ruiz

“Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”
~Don Miguel Ruiz

No comments:

Post a Comment